So the medicated cycle didnt go to plan as I wrote in my last blog...Im hoping they ave found a problem and it can be fixed before we cycle if ever we get to cycle :| which brings me to my next problem.
Rach had told me from the very beginning that she would like to breast feed up until March 2012 when she was going to stop as she was going away on a holiday without the kids for 5 days. I was fine with this as she explained how important it was to her to breast feed her little man as she couldn't for her first child. I was happy with this and in no way did I want to pressure her.I have ran into a bit of a problem now.
I decided that I would look up how long after breast feeding does a woman's cycle return to normal....just wanted a rough estimation when Rach may be ready to cycle and I happened to read a post on a forum that sounded alot like Rach. She spoke about how she would like to breast feed her son until he was 12 months and was it possible to stop breastfeeding for 5 days while she was on holidays then pick it up again when she got back...she was really really wanting to do this. Well I was a little shocked and confused. I still didnt know that it was her I was assuming it was so I decided to message her. I just couldnt let this be as I needed to know what was going on. It turned out that it was in fact her and not to worry she was just thinking out allowed. She had been thinking about it but her husband wanted her to wean before FEB so she was going to start after Christmas. I messaged back that I didnt want to pressure her I just wanted to know if I needed to psych myself up to wait another couple of months. I know this sounds selfish but when someone has told you from the start that we would be able to start in March to think that it could by more like June well this is a very long time.
I havent been able to shake the feeling of doubt..........I know she is really wanting to help me there's no doubting that but Im thinking If I have to wait another 6 months im going to be another year older she is going to be another year older and argh anything can happen.....I know I know people who may be reading this might be saying....HEY WOMAN RELAX SHE IS DOING YOU A FAVOUR and trust me I KNOW that but I also have to protect myself, My husband and I have been through enough pain over these 8 years :|
Seeing people who found their donor after me cycling already just frustrates me...why is it im always the last one on forums to have a baby...i was the first to find a donor but the last to cycle it just frustrating. Cant I just have it easy for a little bit.
If there is anyone out there who is reading this I would like some feedback.........Am i being selfish thinking this way and unreasonable ?
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